On May 4 I was diagnosed with a rare disease which completely took me by devastating surprise. Talk about a change in my story! wow. Hospital stays, pills, injections etc. TOTALLY not on my radar. At all. That is not ‘me’ the that I understand! What? Yep.
So, here we are again at another chapter/scene/act where the UNSEEN soul throws something not ‘apparently’ in our control. Technically, I threw it at myself as it’s MY body doing the off balance dance to teach me something deeper and more profound about this dance on planet earth. I AM my life. So what is most important? Keeping aware of the continual and constant growth, learning, expansion of my capacity to care for myself and others- including when to know how to ‘fold.’ What is my deep quiet lesson that does not appear to be obvious movement towards MY goals or achievements?
HOW I respond to myself in the midst of it is all that truly matters. I’ve cried, yelled, curled up in silent despair… and struggled to accept that yes, this has happened. Why me has floated through my mind as well as WHY the F NOT? how many millions of people have been thrown for a loopdiloop with various nefarious illnesses and accidents and traumas? Millions. Why NOT me?
I am working with other healers now and receiving the help which I have given for so many years to others. I am greatly blessed as now, six months later, I am beginning to see a wee bit of progress. Finding the sacred in the midst of pain is absurdly difficult. Saintly in fact. Not me. I can tell you that. Feeling the beautiful Presence of our Producer of Life (who is Love Itself is right inside your heart and breath) whilst you are struggling to breathe or walk was almost impossible. Yet when friends bring you to the hospital or cook you food, there Love is. And when the dog comes and licks your face or paws at your bedside… there Love is. I’ve been on a lifelong search for this Love after having met a Holy freaking Huge Love in SO MANY EXPERIENCES!!!!!! and still I long for It’s constant presence… I am addicted to It. Want It all the time.
On Earth, on this lovely blue and green planet spinning in space… our challenge seems to be how do we hold on to Love when there is no one there? It has certainly been my challenge and my path in life and it will continue to be, because Love is all there Is and ALL that matters.
I look for love everywhere WHEN I remember to… and when my script is suddenly scripted without my conscious choice, I wait for Love to guide me when I cannot find that light. It DOES eventually appear.. as people, phone calls, messages, presents, food, visits, and I am grateful.